One of the most common things I hear from clients who are struggling with depression is:
“I just don’t want to feel like this anymore.”
And that makes complete sense. Who wants to sit with sadness, anxiety, shame, or emotional pain? These feelings can be overwhelming and exhausting. But here’s the paradox: in order to heal, we first need to understand where it hurts. When we suppress or numb emotions, we don’t get to pick and choose which ones we shut down. Unfortunately, the brain doesn’t work that way. Suppressing sadness may also mute your ability to feel joy, excitement, or connection.
Research supports this. Individuals with major depressive disorder tend to suppress both negative and positive emotions more than those without depression. This emotional suppression has been closely linked to increased depressive symptoms and a deeper fear of emotions overall (Beblo et al., 2012). In other words, when suppression becomes the default coping strategy, it can backfire—leading to even more disconnection and despair.
Depression and Emotion Regulation
Depression is a complex condition that doesn’t have a single cause. But one common thread in many cases is difficulty with emotional regulation. Studies show that people who struggle with depression often have a harder time identifying, understanding, and coping with their emotions in healthy ways (Kökönyei et al., 2023).
This may be influenced by genetics, early life experiences, family dynamics, or cultural messages about emotions. Regardless of the source, poor emotional regulation can impact mental health, relationships, and day-to-day functioning. Certain emotion regulation strategies—like rumination, avoidance, and suppression—may actually maintain or worsen depression over time (Visted et al., 2018; Zou et al., 2024). That’s why building healthier ways to engage with your emotional world is so important.
Are You Relying on Suppression?
Many people don’t realize they’re using suppression as a go-to coping mechanism. It can look like:
- Saying “I’m fine” when you’re not.
- Avoiding emotional conversations—even with close friends or partners.
- Distracting yourself constantly (work, exercise, screens, alcohol, etc.)
- Rarely crying or feeling emotionally numb.
- Overthinking instead of feeling.
- Feeling drained, irritable, or anxious for “no reason”.
- Experiencing physical symptoms like headaches, tension, or fatigue.
- Believing “If I let myself feel, I’ll fall apart.”
Suppression often starts with good intentions—to stay strong, stay functional, or protect yourself from pain. But over time, it can leave you feeling disconnected, misunderstood, and stuck.
Suppression vs. Regulation
Let’s be clear: distraction or postponing emotions isn’t always bad. Sometimes it’s a useful short-term strategy. The issue arises when suppression becomes the only strategy. Suppression means pushing emotions down or pretending they don’t exist. Regulation means learning to recognize, feel, and manage emotions without being overwhelmed by them.
Emotions as Signals, Not Enemies
We all wish we could make uncomfortable emotions disappear. But the more we avoid or suppress them, the more they linger—often resurfacing as anxiety, burnout, irritability, or depression.
Think of emotions as messengers. Like pain in your body tells you something’s wrong, emotions point to what matters. Anger can signal that your boundaries were crossed. Sadness can show you what you valued and lost. Anxiety may be your brain’s way of bracing for uncertainty.
When we suppress emotions, it’s like letting a compass rust—we lose our ability to navigate life. But when we allow ourselves to sit with emotions, even just briefly, we start regaining clarity and direction.
How to Start Processing Emotions
One helpful technique is called “Name it to tame it,” developed by Dr. Dan Siegel. Here’s how to practice it:
- Name what you’re feeling, without judgment. Use a feelings list or emotion wheel if it’s hard to find the right word.
- Notice where you feel it in your body—tight chest, clenched jaw, heavy shoulders, etc.
- Allow yourself to feel it, even in small, safe doses. You don’t need to force it—just acknowledge it.
- Visualize it releasing—like a wave passing through you and leaving gently.
The goal isn’t to get rid of the emotion, but to make room for it—so it doesn’t have to fight for your attention in unhealthy ways.
How Therapy Can Help
Therapy can provide a safe, supportive space to explore your emotional world without judgment or pressure. A therapist can help you:
- Understand the roots of emotional suppression—where it came from and why it made sense at one point.
- Identify emotional patterns and unhelpful coping strategies.
- Learn practical tools to recognize, regulate, and express emotions in healthy ways.
- Increase your capacity to sit with difficult feelings without feeling overwhelmed or ashamed.
- Reconnect with emotions that have been buried, numbed, or dismissed—so you can feel more whole, more alive, and more yourself.
- If you’ve spent years pushing your feelings away, it’s okay to feel unsure about reconnecting with them. But the truth is: your emotions aren’t the problem. They’re part of the solution.
References
Beblo, T., Fernando, S., Klocke, S., Griepenstroh, J., Aschenbrenner, S., & Driessen, M. (2012). Increased suppression of negative and positive emotions in major depression. Journal of Affective Disorders, 141(2–3), 474–479. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2012.03.019
Iwakabe, S., Nakamura, K., & Thoma, N. C. (2023). Enhancing emotion regulation. Psychotherapy Research, 33(7), 918–945. https://doi.org/10.1080/10503307.2023.2183155
Kökönyei, G., Kovács, L. N., Szabó, J., & Urbán, R. (2023). Emotion regulation predicts depressive symptoms in adolescents: A prospective study. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 53(1), 142–158. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10964-023-01894-4
Visted, E., Vøllestad, J., Nielsen, M. B., & Schanche, E. (2018). Emotion regulation in current and remitted depression: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Frontiers in Psychology, 9, 756. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.00756
Zou, M., Liu, B., Ren, L., Mu, D., He, Y., Yin, M., Yu, H., Liu, X., Wu, S., Wang, H., & Wang, X. (2024). The association between aspects of expressive suppression emotion regulation strategy and rumination traits: A network analysis approach. BMC Psychology, 12, Article 501. https://doi.org/10.1186/s40359-024-01650-3